InPursuit

Against The Backdrop Of Our Silence {God Speaks Clearly}

December strolls along and with it comes quiet. Silence.

The days are excruciating with their cold and grey skies. I wonder, whose idea was it to live here in the Northeast? Who decided this was where we’d plant our family? Because a huge part of me wishes I lived in a place where being kissed by the sun is the norm. Part of me wishes I could step out of this grey box and into Technicolor views and surroundings.

Ann Voskamp talks about Hope and about Love coming for us since the beginning. She talks about this awe-inspiring God who beckons us, come.

I take out the Jesse tree ornaments, I set out my Advent books, I prepare and I hope and I dream of what it could look like.

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Yet the first night of Advent turns out all wrong. I should have heard the message ring through the thick atmosphere. I should have dug deeper and held fast to the words reminding me that Jesus came for the messed up families, the broken families, the fighting-can’t-get-it-together families. I should have turned and offered our broken up to Him.

But I was too tired. I was too worn out. I was too hurt by what it wasn’t. Our first night of Advent seemed like a great, big, failure. Our opening to the new season didn’t feel so warm and loving.

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I guess that’s where the silence haunts. It screams so loudly at me. Weird, isn’t it? That silence could actually scream at me? Fierce. Deafening. Because against the backdrop of silence, there is no hiding. There is no distraction.

What is comes forth and bounces off the walls, echoing loudly. Our thoughts, our emotions, our longings… they all jingle and jangle right in front of us.

When God’s people awaited a Savior, a king, the silence must have felt just the same. No more words said. Simply waiting. Simply expecting. Simply quiet.

The year closes. A year where God has been so close I could tangibly feel Him at work in my life. Healing. Restoration. Peace. Joy. Love. Indescribable Grace. Movement and echoes. Stirring and revelation. Filling and pouring.

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And now, silence.

Here is where I’m able to see ‘me’. Here is where I’m able to understand how much I truly need God. How much I truly need Jesus. Into my grey box, the Light steps in and darkness dissipates. His warmth penetrates the depths of my cold places. He reminds me of purpose and Sparkle Box dreams. He reminds me of Love come down, poured out all around me, filling me within. He reminds me of peace on earth, goodwill towards men. He reminds me He’s a promise keeping God. An “I’m coming for You”, God.

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I look over at my Jesse Tree ornaments and my Advent devotional.

“Just where you are, look for the small glimpses of God-glory breaking in, breaking out, sprouting, shooting, unfurling, bearing fruit, making a Kingdom, remaking the world.” (The Greatest Gift, Ann Voskamp)

You know? I’m okay with the silence if it means I get to see and hear Him more clearly. I’m embracing the silence. Waiting in expectancy and anticipation. Against the backdrop of our silence, God speaks clearly!

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© 2016 Darlene Collazo | {In Pursuit} My Quest

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