InPursuit

{The Resolution for Women} Fulfilling My Husband, Part 10 (book study)

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(If you’re new to the blog, welcome!

To find out more about our book study and to read previous posts, click {here}.)

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This week’s topic was {Fulfilling My Husband: A resolution to be the kind of woman who truly blesses her man}.

I wasn’t always interested in fulfilling my husband. If I had to be honest, my main priority in my marriage was to be fulfilled myself. Yeah, I tried to change some of my old habits and ways, but out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks (Luke 6:45). And let me just say, there was lots of rottenness in my heart.

It has taken me a long time to figure out that the things I brought to the table, were a detriment in my marriage relationship. It took me a long time to realize that my selfish and prideful behavior was actually having the opposite effect. Rather than feeling fulfilled, I felt empty and worthless.

Isn’t it funny, the way we run from our calling to love our husbands (Titus 2:4) and to submit to the authority God’s given them as the head of the home (Ephesians 5:22-24)?

I mean, really. How can we think that doing things contrary to God’s perfect plans would ever result in a happy, good, or even godly marriage?

Now, I’m not here to preach to you. I’ve been married a little over 7 years now and it’s been a very long journey for us (and even longer yet to go). If it were not for God’s grace and goodness over our lives, I don’t think we’d have made it even this far.

But I have to believe that beyond God’s grace and goodness, was a call to action. Scripture teaches us how to be wives. Whether we choose to follow the direction given or not,  is another story.

There came a time where I had to change my way of doing things.

So what changed? I’m glad you asked!

Prayer and The Word

I began to pray about our marriage. And guess what ladies? My prayers became less about “Lord change him” and more about “Lord, change me!”. That’s right. Many times we focus so much of our attention on all we want our husbands to change, on the sawdust in their eye-  that we forget to take out the plank in our own eye (Matthew 7:3-5).

In prayer and in the word, God began to show me where I was destroying our marriage.

You want to have a godly marriage, don’t you? Then find out what God says in His word and then begin to apply it. Will it be easy? No. Will you begin to see changes? Yes!

Then begin to bless your husband in prayer. Asking God to empower Him to walk in the Spirit, to give him wisdom to lead your family. Pray that he would find a passion for prayer and a desire to grow in the Word.

Use your weapon of warfare, not to complain to God about your husband, but to bless him and cover him.

Get Off Your High Horse

I was a single mother, in charge of everything, before I met my husband. From working, to taking care of my son, to taking care of the bills for our place… I was in charge.

Imagine my surprise when I got married and found out that I had to give up my role to my husband. “Oh, no, no, no… Lord, now you’re just asking too much! Especially since I know what I’m doing!!”

Regardless of how smart you think you are, you weren’t called to lead the family. Regardless of how great you think your plans and ideas are, you weren’t called to lead the family. Oh and this one is great… regardless of how spiritual you think you rank in comparison with your husband, you weren’t called to lead the family.

And so my friend, I mean this in the nicest way possible- Get off your high horse.

When we take the lead, we don’t allow our husbands the honor of growing in their role as head of the household.

When we want to take charge, we break down that man’s confidence in making decisions. We end up with a man who is afraid to give his opinion and thoughts. We end up with a man who moves to the side so that you can work out your ‘perfect’ plan.

Then when things crumble, we have the audacity to get mad at him for not doing anything. We get upset when he doesn’t give an input. We get frustrated when we have to carry the load by ourselves. We get irritated at his complacent and laid back attitude.

We created this man, and then we’re stuck living with him. How’s that working for you?

Secret Time: Your husband IS capable of learning, growing, and becoming the man God called Him to be. So get off your high horse, and move over. You’d be amazed at the capacity within him to lead your family. Leave the teaching and instructing to God. He’s good at what He does!

Start Building

Proverbs 14:1 says that, “A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.”

Take a moment to look at your own home. Not the physical structure, but the family God has given you. Let’s zoom in today specifically to your husband. I had to do this. Sadly, I saw that I was that woman destroying my home with my own wicked hands. It was a sad realization.

But then I made a decision. I prayed against pride and selfishness, and I began to look for ways to fulfill my husband. What were they? Here’s a quick run down:

  • Pray for him.
  • Speak words of affirmation.
  • Encourage him in his spiritual walk with less words and more action.
  • Look for ways to show him you’re thinking about him.
  • Do something he likes to do, even if you’re not so interested it.
  • Listen more. Talk less.
  • Don’t skimp out on “bedroom time”. Men have a need that needs to be met. For the Christian man who wants to live right before God, his wife is the only one given the privilege to meet that need. Don’t use this as leverage over him.
  • Write letters and notes. My husband loves to see a note waiting for him in different spots around the house. (Maybe make his morning cup of coffee and leave a note thanking him for working to provide for the family. Be creative!)
  • Stop giving your opinions for everything. Perhaps then he’d be able to put out an idea or two. And don’t shut down his idea the moment he shares it.
  • Ask him for advice about something.
  • Ask him for his thoughts on your marriage, home, children, etc. You might be surprised at the fact that he does think about these things.
  • Stop whining.
  • Stop complaining.
  • Show him respect. Disrespect is the easiest way to tear down a marriage.
  • Stop talking to all your friends about him. Speak about your husband in a way that shows honor and respect for him.
  • Do something fun together.
  • Serve with a smile and a sincere attitude. Men can tell when you’re faking it.
  • Choose joy.

Seek opportunities to truly bless your man, and then go ahead and make his day. You’ll be amazed at how these simple actions can change your marriage.

I’m sure you’ve got some great ideas as well, so please do share in the comments section. We can all glean from each other as we seek to fulfill our husbands.

[Read More: Part 11 {Loving My Children}…]

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© 2016 Darlene Collazo | {In Pursuit} My Quest

Comments

  1. Amy-Lee says:

    Dear Darlene,
    Thank you so much for your honesty in this post. Your words spoke straight to my heart today and I know this is what the Lord needs me to work on in my marriage.
    Many blessings,
    Amy-Lee xx

    • Amy-Lee, thank you for stopping by {In Pursuit} and for sharing your heart. This area of our marriages is not easy. As women, we give, give, give. It can be so easy to feel depleted of our energy and strength. We feel we can’t add one more thing to our plate. But what if we didn’t look at fulfilling our husbands as ‘one more thing to add’? What if it was already a part of how we choose to live our days. With God’s grace and strength, we can make fulfilling our husbands a priority.
      I pray that God would strengthen you on this journey. That He would give you the skills, resources, and grace to work on your marriage. Praying you through.

      -Darlene

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