InPursuit

You’re Accepted. That Is All.

Ya’ll, I cannot tell you how your company on this journey has transformed my life. I’m a reserved person. Yet the burning of the call within humbled me to obedience. I found myself, again and again, in front of this screen pouring out the truths, secrets, struggles, and victories of this girls journey in hopes that you’d know you are not alone. With each post, my prayer has been that you would find the goodness, generosity, and faithfulness of God in your life as well.

joy Photo Credit: Camdiluv ♥ via Compfightcc

There are so many parts of my story that I have yet to unfold in this space. Where does one even start?

I guess I’ll start with this-

2010 changed me. I used to feel like a girl trapped in a 29 year old’s body. I second guessed all my decisions.  I needed everyone’s approval. I needed others to tell me what the direction for my life was. Sadly, I gave people power God never intended me to release to others.

Then something happened that turned my life upside down. In 2010, a house fire left my husband, me, and our kids in a hotel suite for 4 months. It was a nightmare. There were days when I didn’t want to get out of bed, days when the walls felt like they were closing in on me.  The only thing that got me out of bed was the 3 year old who needed my care. I thank God for her. Sometimes I think my story would have gone in a whole other direction had it not been for God and that little one.

One night I laid sprawled out on the bathroom floor of that hotel suite. I cried out to God. No words. Just a cry from the very depths of my soul. I couldn’t articulate the grief that threatened to consume me. I was grieving so many losses. I couldn’t believe that at 29, this was my life.

I cried all I could cry, head throbbing so badly I was sure it might explode. When the tears subsided and all that was left was the sound of my breathing slowing down, I finally heard what I’d longed to hear for so many years.

“Why won’t you let Me sit here with you? We don’t have to talk about it. I just want to sit with you.”

In that moment, in my mess, I felt God wanted to sit with me and He didn’t require any explanations for my state of chaos. Instead, we sat there in silence. I didn’t need to explain myself. He accepted me as I was. He knew my heart and my intentions. He knew the deep parts of me.

And He accepted me.

The truth of Ephesians 1:6 became real to me as I lay sprawled on that bathroom floor. I was accepted in the Beloved. In spite of me, He approved of me.

Something happens in the life of a woman when she knows, without a shadow of a doubt, that she is absolutely loved by the Almighty God. Truth, love, and grace collide with the lies of the enemy causing old patterns and thoughts to come crashing down. Right there in that hotel bathroom, I grew up in my skin. I finally felt comfortable in my flesh, comfortable in simply being. I finally felt ok with me.

Friend, I’m not sure where you’re at on this journey, but if there’s any part of you that still questions your ability to own who you are in Christ then this post is for you. Can I encourage you? You are absolutely, totally, and completely accepted in the Beloved. If you don’t mind, He wants to sit with you today. You’re accepted. That is all. You don’t even have to say a word. 

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© 2016 Darlene Collazo | {In Pursuit} My Quest

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